Hidden Cost of Living Without Dreams
LOST ABILITY TO DREAM
I have completely stopped believing in dreams at the age of 11.
Because on the 11th of September that year one of my biggest dreams was ruined forever... and I decided that, you know what, each for themselves in this world and it will so much be better for me to not want anything at all, because either way it all will be taken away from me. So why bother!
What was next... nothing special. School, uni, first love - just as everybody else. All of it was normal. But one thing.
BEFORE & AFTER
I didn't really have any direction & even more - no passion. My friends were giving me suggestions on what I should do with my life. Parents had their ideas and I can't say I cared that much.
I mean a lot of people live without direction in life or care to have it, but the reason it's "special" for me is because before that 11th year of my life I was super active child.
I used to climb all the trees and rooftops I could access. I was the quickest skater in the block ⛸️ even with the small second hand skates that I had. I was ambitious, believed in aliens and was super curious about the world & excited to have my adventure in it. But that has changed .
WHAT DID IT COST ME
In between 11 y.o. and 30 y.o. things that stand out for me the most are not the ones that usually businesses tell in their stories. They were things like:
➤ By 14 I have dropped out of music, playing piano to be precise, what I did since I was 7.
➤ At 16 I didn't stand up for my desire to sing a song that our band was preparing, when girls dropped out.
➤ By 17 I didn't want to have people around me and spent almost whole year home alone, communicating with a very few.
➤ At 18 I didn't even put up a fight for my future career and went with whatever was happening.
➤ By 21 I didn't want to complete anything. I was quickly loosing interest in whatever I started. Although that was a background theme for a while by then.
➤ By 25 I lost belief that I will ever do anything great and accepted "my fate" of mediocre life.
➤ By 30 I lost the desire to live & didn't see a single point in it at all.
I almost completely lost my fight ability.
Life no longer was an adventure, Universe secrets had no appeal to me anymore & partially I was mentally getting ready to retire someday to maybe have something better there.
Are you familiar with any of these thoughts?
GETTING IT BACK
Did I know that all of this happened because I decided not to dream anymore? Of course not. It took me another 5 years that included:
✦ 52 courses in self-development department,
✦ 2 years of marketing experience (yes, I'm surprised about that one too)
✦ 3 mentors
✦ What feels like thousands of hours of self-reflection with hundreds of personal realisations
✦ & litres of tears
to get to that conclusion.
Doubts and clarity were changing each other at a rollercoaster speed.
Eventually I took almost a year off from what I thought my path is to only get even more clear on what's next for me and what was happening before.
WHY I HAD TO GET IT BACK
Dreams turned out to be the centre of my story. Realisation by realisation I came to the point of unraveling the whole situation and seeing the core of what was happening.
I started to see patterns in me and other people, I started to notice connections I didn't see before and can now tell you for sure, that Living Without Dreams is like Disconnecting Yourself From a Source Plug.
Which looks like constantly "running on fumes" & life full of Guilty Pleasures that will never fill the void that is always there... Could I leave it knowing this? Would you?
SELF CHECK
Would you like to check if you have disconnected yourself from your life source plug? Run through the these statements:
● You often find yourself tired by the middle of the day or even earlier
● "Can't be asked" - is your most often mood
● You never want to go out and hate yourself for agreeing to some plans you now don't want to do
● You can not get up earlier to implement a habit you know you should have
● You struggling to do anything from your "one day" list
● You are hoping that retirement will be better
● You constantly wanting some a piece & quiet
● And the only dream you have is an uninhabited island just for you with no other people on it. At least for some time.
How many yeses have you got? If it's 4+ you really need to pay attention to your dreams, their state in your life & in my next posts I will share with you what you can do for that 🙌
Until the Next Time,
Renata Dar
P.S. The reason I wanted to see the Twin Towers so much is because I love heights.
Somebody I know was there and told me that when you look up your head is spinning from how high they are!! I couldn't even imagine what it's like, but was spinning myself looking up imagining being there, dreaming one day to travel across the globe for that experience!
That of course will never happen now, but...
Last year, when I took a step away from following all this, we ended up going on a short trip to Switzerland. Of course we went to Alps and somehow I ended up at the foot of a mountain so high that it made my head spin when I looked up! 🥹😭
That was my personal Twin Tower & reinforcement that I need to carry on 🤍
Share your thoughts in the comments!